Is it time to step it up?

When creating a vision for yourself to finish a triathlon or a finishing a longer distance race, the first thing that must be eliminated is the idea that anything less than crossing the finish line is unacceptable. Before changing your nutrition, buying or upgrading gear, looking for a coach, planning longer routes or banking more time to train in a day, you must first separate your current habits from your desire.

None of us are completely free of personal issues. We all have obstacles set before us. Yet the majority of these obstacles we have allowed to overcome us because we have no focus in our life. When a life is just a routine, there is no passion in it. No fire. Nothing that is bigger than you. So your obstacles become your focus. The obstacles give you something to be angry about. And what is a common synonym for anger? Fire.

Do you have that burning desire to finish a triathlon distance you have not yet done, crap do you have a burning desire for anything? A vision, a burning desire that burns so hot that you will do almost anything to accomplish? Will you do whatever it takes to win? All of you have different challenges, different obstacles both in business and in your personal life, but they all can be overcome if your burning desire is so hot that it empowers you to the impossible.

Step One in this is to see it in your minds eye- vividly, see it in your imagination.

Step Two is to believe you can do it- believe it so hard that it becomes your obsession, your burning desire.

Step Three is to do the work. Allow your burning desire to electrify every nerve in your body, where all you see is the end result. Obstacles become smaller and smaller in comparison to your burning desire.

When you set in your mind a clear vision, then put it in your heart passionately to accomplish and then act with your body to complete it, it will become a reality. To commit yourself to finishing your first Olympic, 70.3 or Ironman race is a huge commitment. Especially when you have almost zero athletic ability. Have no fear. Right now, today there are people who are in worse shape than you right now, who work longer hours than you do each day, have more debt, more legal issues, more commitments to organizations than you do and yet they find a way to reach their goal of finishing a race (or whatever else it is that is your burning desire)

If you have a dream, make it a reality. Don't waste your time on thoughts that you will never act on. What is your burning desire? What are you passionate about seeing in your life.

Go do it.

Pushing fire through a straw

This thought popped into my mind as I was meditating yesterday. Its a pretty apt statement of my mindset. I have a tremendous fire inside me to compete and go full throttle through life. It consumes me like a fever. Yet because of those very impulses I am a battered shell today.

Its used to be that I could push my fire through...well there was no governor. The fire came out of me, burned through me, through everything. It engulfed my soul and gave me the extra percentage of effort I needed when I needed it most. I can go to a deep dark place in my mind that shuts out pain and thought and purifies action. "MOVE. DO ONE MORE. DO ONE MORE. DON'T STOP. COMPLETE THE MISSION. NEVER QUIT. I WILL. MOVE. ATTACK. ATTACK. ATTACK. FASTER. FASTER. FASTER. C'MON. C'MON. C'MON." This is what dominates my thought in a competition, specifically races. And racing has dominated my thoughts for the last week because I can't do it. Its something I want to be able to train for let alone do just one more time. All out.

The fire is still there inside me. Uncontrolled. Wild. Burning. Like all fires, it wants to be unleashed. It wants to CONSUME. I want to give in. I want the fire to wash over me as it has so many times before and blaze with the white hot intensity of a man focused on the single thought of crossing the finish line.

To my detriment I have never cared how I finished, only to get there. First place, last, place, pulled muscles, broken leg, road rash, dehydration, vomiting, even multiple organ failures. I am ashamed now to say I will literally kill myself to cross a finish line. I am the embodiment of the cliche bantered about by the fearful and boastful who almost always are the first to give up when the pain creeps over them. The only thing that matters is looking back at the challenge of the race course as I crossed the finish line and yelling, "I kicked your ass." I want to leave nothing on the course but blood, tears and puke. People who have raced and trained with me have seen this far to often.

It takes considerable effort to control the fire inside me. I know that I have abused the fire. I let it burn too hot and consume too much of me. I get lost in the euphoria. I am trying so hard to find a way to tap the fire so it will work for me and not for itself. Right now if I let it, the fire will take me outside and extract revenge on my body for holding it back for so long. Letting loose, running fast and hard and pushing my heart rate to the extreme; destroying muscle tissue and flooding my bloodstream with impurity's my kidneys cannot clear and in the end burn me up. Maybe kill me. Most likely put me on dialysis. My whole life has been about giving into the fire because it has allowed me to do so much I am proud of. It has forged a man of iron will.

When you look at me now, you see me walk a bit slower and check my pulse several times a day. A body that used to be surrounded by fire is now tempered by a constantly checked mental barrier that calms and cools my body, holding the fire back as I get the rest I desperately need. The only physical manifestation of the great internal fire is a straw sticking out of my mouth that ecks out heat for workouts that not long ago wouldn't even reach the level of Active Rest.

But look into my eyes and you see the fire is not gone. The fire waits. The fire will come.

Indulgence...

I must admit I love Sparkling water aka Seltzer water. I can't drink enough of it. Sometimes half my water intake in a day comes from sparkling H2O.

I have asked and researched, there is zero credible evidence that too much gives you kidney stones or is not a beneficial as normal water. So I continue to indulge myself. It has certainly curbed my affinity for diet Coke. I don't do the Perrier or Foo-Foo $1.89 liters. The grocery store sells 2 liters of generic stuff for less than a buck in the liqueur section, next to to the tonic and club sodas. Damn near about the only time I get to go down the beer aisle nowadays. Damn liver.

My other big indulgence is dried pineapple. I am telling you if you're trying to loss weight or eat healthy and you crave candy or something sweet, dried pineapple is damn near the best thing I have ever found to solve that fix. I get the same reaction eating that as I do a snickers bar, except it only a third the calories and completely natural. I dare you to try it.

I recently switched from extra chunky peanut butter to Almond butter. Never had it before last month. Its completely different in taste and texture but I like it. Its about the same calories and fat but the fats are all much better for you. I have found that Almond butter actually gets a bit hard when the sandwich sits in my lunch bag for a few hours. So it has also replaced my need for crispy chips. Saving calories there too.

After years of depriving and denying myself good foods for the sake of lower body fat and sustained energy, when the doctors told me to change my diet, these three things really helped me cope with not having as many beers as I might want or not going to Taco Bell. God I miss Taco Bell.

But I will discuss Taco Bell and my love of the #4: Mexican Pizza with 2 Taco Supremes, when I finally fall off the wagon. Where's the edge of the wagon, again?

Practice the same swing

I'll use an analogy at the end of this post that might bring this piece around. The crux is that I refuse to go out to pasture as an athlete, reading my thought and actions the last four months I think that we can all recognize that inside me. I could lead a long, healthy, productive life if I simply never workout again, but this is not me. The key is through excellent medical care to define what it is I can actually do and be then be great at it.

Common people can do unbelievable things. Go to the finish line of a triathlon to see that. Finish an Ironman. However, it takes practice and dedication, work and especially sacrifice to prepare for unbelievable endings. So with that, I reinstating my a.m. training practices.

No I am not going to be crushing 12 mile runs or riding two hours before 6a.m. like I used too just a few months ago but I am going to put time into the morning to hone my craft. I can still ride at a lower HR and will start putting in short spins on the trainer. Running is still tough with the HR limiters I have from the doctors but a 4 mile speed walk / slow jog will reconnect me with the absolute joy and peace I find with training outdoors before and during sunrise as the world comes alive.

Plus I have about 36 hours of podcasts to catch up on. (No, I've heard all yours TacBoy and Bigun).

My analogy. Alex Rodriguez, A-Rod, is one of the best players in the history of baseball. A few years ago he went 0-23 at bat, lasting about six games. Reporters dogged A-Rod through the whole thing, "Alex, what are you doing to change your hitting game? Taking more practice, change your stance?" Finally A-Rod responded about four games into the slump, "I have not changed my swing. I am not taking more ups in practice. I am doing the exact same thing I have done for the last ten years. My routine has allowed me to hit thousands of base hits and doesn't need to be changed. Everyone goes through a slump. "

My slump is a little more life threatening, but nevertheless, I stopped doing something, anything in the morning and think that has softened me up. I need to keep my routine, albeit dialed down significantly because some day, I pray, I can toe the line again.

Shake Me

I have mentioned before, since the organ failure I have an unusual after affect when my body reacts to a fight or flight situation, I get a massive rush of adrenaline. Whether this be before giving a presentation, or being a spectator at a triathlon, judging a fitness contest, now even it appears watching a movie.

Friday night I went to see Death Race. Pretty good movie. Not great but a solid Jason Statham flick. It was in one of the smaller screening rooms which amplified the surround sound. The action on screen, the visual affects, the vibration coming from the bass in the sound effects really, I mean really, got me into the action. And then it started to kick up my adrenal glands, which as you can surmise by now are controlled by your kidneys and soon enough I my teeth were chattering, my arms were shaking, my body could barely contain itself.

A while after the movie and I was calmed back down, I was at a Whole foods getting some veggies for the weekend. I got a call from someone that really motivated me and the rush came back. For no reason I wanted to punch a kindly old man. My mind raced at 100 mph. I would start to walk down an aisle and realize I was moving way to fast and tell myself to slow way the eff down. I did some deep breathing and collected myself.

Now I have never had the sensation that I would actually do something terrible or irrational to someone, I am no harm to society. The point is that my internal controls are still way off and I need to be conscious of how I react to outside stimulus. Regardless if watch a race from the road or watch a movie from a chair, my body can and will create a massive energy dump.

Exciting but wow what a kick.

Tired old speech

Ya know what? It a helluva lot easier to lose weight when you can exercise. This Jane Fonda workout crap is just not cutting it. My eating has been as clean as its been in two or three years. Very little alcohol, if any in a week. No candy bars. Oh Lord, how it hurts, but no Taco Bell. No fast food. Very few impulse snacks. Smaller meals. More colorful meals. Drinking water every hour. I couldn't be happier on that front.

The training however. Guh. Frustrating. These limitations are tough to work around. Yesterday I did my first pool swim since IMAZ, I've done some open water (OW) stuff, but Thursday I pulled out the book, (wow! amazon even had the workout from the book online). Great book by the way. Got about half way through the workout and my HR was 150 bpm and not falling. So I bailed. Not supposed to be over 140 bpm. It was plenty enough for a workout but wanted more. Bilateral breathing felt good but on my off-side breath, I dropped my reaching arm like an anchor. Need to fix that.

I really am not comfortable in my own body right now. I feel heavy. Thick. The glimpses I get in windows don't match with the vision of myself in my mind. Mind you I am only about ten pounds over my IM racing weight but have never felt bigger.

This is not a pity party post. I am firmly I will get where I want to go regardless of the limitations my body has right now. It will turn. Good habits are in place. Consistancy is, consistant. I really wish I was busting road like all of you training for IMMoo, IMKY, IMAZ, IMFL. Hell I'd settle for busting road like a sprint race. haha.

"Charlie Mike" (Continue the Mission)
or If you have been watching Generation Kill on HBO, the Marines will say "Oscar Mike," radio talk for (On the Move)

Out.

wrapping up

At some point this week I finish my phase two of rehab and start the next one. I am not sure what the difference will be this time except that I am finishing the smoky 'tea' but continuing my 20+ pills a day regimen. I think I start another 'tasty beverage'. The what and how long are still to come.

I do believe that I my kidneys are processing better and that my body has gone through some internal changes. I don't know how to put this clearly, but the goal of the phases is to cool my body down and I think it is doing that by detoxing my kidneys and liver. My eating has certainly changed to smaller, more frequent meals of better quality. The usual suspects in my kitchen no longer appeal to my cravings.

Have Fun

Mo Knows!

Last night Mighty Mo got the good news that he will be a big brother. I suppose I expected a bit more animation from him but in the end its a genuine response.

Mo Knows!



Mo calls mama (my mom)


Once he got revved up with questions he would not let it die. He stayed up another thirty minutes asking how the baby got in there. At one point while Mistress had been in bed with him for twenty minutes jumping around the issue, he jumps up and stands on the bed, stretches his arms out as far as he can because he's frustrated and say, "Mommy! Will you just tell me how it got in there!" And then slaps his hands to his hips and stares down at Mistress on the bed.

She left the room before busting out in laughter.

Tagged by TSA...

Coming back from Washington State last week I got pulled aside by TSA for something in my backpack. I knew it had to be a knife or some food that I forgot to put in my checked baggage. Thank God it was not my favorite knife, but it was, alas, an old and trusted one.

My 14 year old Gerber multiplier was confiscated. Dang it. That thing went all through the south pacific with me. I opened coconuts, cut down bamboo trees, we spent time together man, good times!

What has TSA taken from you that meant something?

The rest of the year

Well, we can't put the genie back in the bottle. Mistress and I had told a few of our closest friends about the pregnancy and we have had some close calls with Mo finding out. Ironically enough, one yesterday. Based on some great feedback I got from readers, we are going to tell Mo tonight that he is going to be a big brother. I am hoping to get a video camera on him for his reaction and put it online this week.

Because of my HR issues last week from just ordinary outdoor activity, Mistress and I had to talk about me not dying before the baby is born or being put on dialysis. That was surreal. The retreat last week was to be my final step in testing where my recovery was at and it turned out being a big fat 'F'. This will not be easy or simple. Its somewhat tiring that after all this time, four months now, that I still have to explain to training partners why I can't do this or that. Hell I only took off three weeks for a fractured tibia in 2006. I was the 'man' when it came to training through physical issues. Now it seems by embracing Common Man Syndrome I might actually live longer....I didn't say I'd live better.

I am still undaunted that I can get past this and eventually get back to normal training. My doctors thinks this as well. I just need to find the balance between HARDcore and SOFTcore training. I am applying more effort into my nutrition and working on my consistency. I figure if I can't run, walk. If I can't ride outside, ride inside. Swimming is swimming. Weights need to be used smartly. Even if I can get back up to six hours a week, I'd be pretty happy for a while.

The rest of this year is going to go by so frickken fast. I'm going to hang on as best I can.

The Storks on the way

I want to announce that Carol (aka Mistress) and I are expecting a baby. She is over three months along. We will not know the sex until late September. She has been getting every test and ultrasound possible and so far its a completely healthy child inside her.

We have not told Mighty Mo yet and probably will not until the last few months. He will be terribly excited and it will torture him to have to wait six more months. He has a hard enough time just waiting to do something next weekend and don't want to blow his mind waiting till sometime late in February.

RTB

Return To Base (RTB)

After another good run in the woods, on clearly marked trails this time mind you, and a late breakfast with my company, we start the process of heading back to Arizona. I should get back around 7pm. Mo is excited I am coming home, though probably not so much, when he doesn't get to watch his programs on tv at his beck and call.

This has been a wonderful experience up here at Suncadia resort in Washington. I was blown away by some of the presentations that our district managers gave. The end state of this trip was to get everyone wrapped around our (the partners) five year plan for the business. I think this was accomplished.

I feel that my batteries were recharged in the woods, which I have always found solace in. Woods and rivers are something that I miss terribly in my life and every opportunity to engage my outdoor senses in that type of environment is a blessing.

So back to the grind on Monday. More nutrition work needs to be done. I need to review my training progress. Work needs to be sorted out.

Have Fun

Time Out

Thursday after the meeting broke I intended to go for bike ride or stop over at the fitness center. I needed to let lunch digest a bit and felt a bit tired so went to the condo for respite. I never left.

This what I tried to write about yesterday and reminding myself I am not invincible. I am not even ordinary still. I was physically and neuro-muscularly whipped. I am not a napper but I tried.

The run I had earlier in the day Thursday was great. Ran out on a well paved asphalt trail that led to an overlook. That connected to a crushed gravel trail which turned into a dirt trail that led down a steep hill. Eventually it petered out and I was stuck. I didn't want to turn around, that would be boring so I tore off down a game trail until that too eventually played out.

Time to start bushwhacking. I bushwhacked, while jogging, another ten minutes or so and came across an overgrown back road, most likely used when the lodge area was being constructed. The growth was high but there was no trees on it so I picked up my pace and pushed aside branches as I went.

Finally I came to a clearing which abutted several mounds of short dead grass about forty feet high. That was really weird. I decided I would reach the top and I could get my bearings. When I reached the top I looked down directly onto a golf green and about fifty yards away a cart path.

Saved. From there it only took ten minutes to work my way to the main road and back to the lodge. It was exactly what I needed, an adventurous run in the woods. You can't get that in the Sonoran Desert.

Reminders

My life seems a constant reminder of things to not do. I have affirmations and prayers that I use to create a vision for my life the way I want it to be, but the rest of the day seems to be a liteny of thoughts telling myself, "too fast, be patient, your not cleared yet" and so forth.

I am heading out right how and going to push my HR a little bit on a short 30 minute run and perhaps a bit on a mountain bike later in the day. Nothing extreme, like say, oh 165 bmp. But nevertheless.

When I have thoughts like this I think, "Just push it a little. Don't get emotional about it and start charging up hills, its a treat to run in the woods at sunrise, not a punishment."

I had no clue that one year after not finishing Arizona that I would not finish again. I certainly had no clue what was going on with my body to that extreme, what I had been doing to it. But it showed me that, its always still there inside of me. It can lie mostly dormant for a year or years and then when I need it the least, a race, my system shuts down and I need a gallon of IV fluid.

But I apprecaite the object lesson. The whole year between those races I trained without a clue to the damage inside me. Blaming it on a virus and not realizing that I was burning my kidneys up from the inside, not only with my training but with my nutrition.

So with every workout that leads to my recovery I remind myself that I have to stay in control of every workout. I have to be adult, or mature, or wise about the choices I make when I see a short climb or pancake flat with with some prize at the end. And with that, the trees await.

My Olympic record (set straight)

For the record, I am not a big fan of the Olympics. Don't get me wrong, I have watched quite a bit of it. Last weekend while I was at home, it was on non-stop, as we educated Mighty Mo on different athletic events. Some of the things we watched people do, especially on the bars in gymnastics seemed unworldly and elicited great squeals of joy from my son.

However, I have a really pointed complaint about the Olympics that I am sure is going to rile most of you up. I do not consider many of the most popular Olympic events as sports. I define a sport as "a competitive event in which the spectators can clearly define and understand the achievement of points which culminates in a winner and a loser."

Now before I start listing these events, let me first say I am not against the athlete or belittle what they can accomplish through their training. Everyone of these people have sacrificed years of their lives and the quality of those years, to participate in something that they at one point loved to do or continue to love to do.

Generally speaking, I don't think gymnastics is a sport, nor diving, most equestrian events, and maybe, probably. fencing. Specifically, I don't think any sport where only a handful of people in the whole world are qualified to judge it, is a sport. When you watch action take place and then have to wait for the results, its not a sport.

Events like basketball, track and field, swimming, cycling, weightlifting, boxing, triathlon, volleyball and several others, these are definitely sports. The vast majority of spectators can easily observe who is winning and who is losing. Another defining trait of a sport in my opinion, is the ease in educating others on how the event is scored and the consistency of it; fastest time wins, farthest throw wins, most points wins.

Can there be discussion on if handball or Beach Volleyball should be in the Olympic games at all? Sure but its a different discussion.

I also don't think that if you can play the game while drinking and/or smoking at the same time that its a sport. So there goes golf and bowling, though neither are currently in the Olympic games.

Furthermore, the Olympics have in the last few decades become just one more venue for anti-American propaganda. Famed American gymnastic coach Bella Karolyi on Monday said that the judging is so biased against American athletes it will be almost impossible to win in Beijing. This of course comments on a sport that needs international judging, instead of individual/team achievement to define the given score. After the last Games when judges in figure skating where found to be paid off for adjusting scores higher or lower based on country, I noticed this year that only aggregate scores are given and not the score from individual judges. I guess we won't be able to see how France or China rates full points lower for American contestants any longer. Last but not least is my oft commented position on the derision of American athletes by spectators when playing in foreign countries.

I am watching more of the Games than I thought this week and biased aside, the exposure these events get are massive. Some of these athletes truly become internationally known, household names like Oxana Biaul, Nadia Komenich, Mark Spitz, Bruce Jenner, Jesse Owens and Halle Gebrselassie. You may not even know what they did, but they were Olympians and they were great.

By the way the decathlon is on the 22nd, the marathon on the 23rd and triathlon will be from the 21st through 24th.

Retreat!

Just so you know, in the Army, 'retreat' is the ceremony that defines the end of the work day and the lowering of the flag, usually accompanied by music. There are other terms used to describe the common perception of retreat defined as, "a withdrawal of troops to a more favorable position to escape the enemy's superior forces."

No, I am talking about a business retreat. I am leaving this morning for eastern Washington to stay at a private golf resort. There will be about four hours of meetings and then the rest of the day to do whatever fitness professionals do. In this case I have packed my helmet, my HR monitor, my running shoes and my goggles. I plan on getting in some solid hours of uninterrupted exercise in favorable climate conditions without work or family commitments.

Today is also the birthday of my lovely Mistress. Its a decade changer, you can do the math. Mighty Mo and I made an indoor picnic for her last weekend and the desert was Strawberry shortcakes. She was very happy. I gave her the new Stephanie Meyers book in her vampire line, and Mighty Mo gave her a deck of cards to play War, his new favorite game.

Happy Birthday Babe.

A new November Ironman

The WTC just announced a new North American venue. Ironman Cozumel will have its inaugural race on November 29, 2009. Cozumel is an island about 25 miles off shore from Cancun, Mexico. The most mostly like NON-wet suit race will be a walk in start, the ride will go around most of the island on flat roads and the run is a two loop 13.1 course.

IM Cozumel will be the last of five iron distance triathlons in November and will preceded in order by: Beach2Battleship (Wilmington, North Carolina), Ironman Florida (Panama Beach City), Silverman (Las Vegas) and Ironman Arizona (Tempe).

As hard as Ironman distance races are, the only mystic surrounding those that have done one, is to do the first one in a new location. This race will only allow 1,500 participants, almost a third less than stateside events. Slots will go quickly.

...as for me, it is sadly not to be.

Teaching a value lesson

Well 'Sophie' the pigeon has died after 4 days of excellent care and comfort. Kinda saw that coming. He had a very large box to walk in with views of the sky, top notch bird food, dry paper under his feet and clean water to drink. Mighty Mo took his job very seriously and each day we took him out to the grass for a few moment of freedom. Mo would sit a little chair and watch him, because in his mind a giant dinosaur bird was going to swoop down and eat it.

I taught him how to hold support the pigeon when holding it and not damage his wings or feathers. How to be gentle in picking it up and putting it down. How to herd it where we wanted it to be in the yard without scaring it. We discussed the it probably would not live but it was important for all creatures to die in comfort if possible. Now as his father I will teach him a valuable lesson in loss.

Later tonight we will go out in the front yard and dig a grave. I will let Mo say something nice and
that will be about it. I doubt he will be too sensitive about the whole thing.

Hey..Oh...Were'd the week go?

Geesh, I would have thought this was Thursday. Man this week went by fast.

Had a great OW 850 yard swim last night. I took it slow. Sighting was for crap. Guess that happens when you don't practice the skill. I looked up once to see I was a good 30 yards off track. HaHa. Classic. Murpy's Law had to state that my goggles would be scratched and fogged up and the buoy in shadows so I could not see where my target was.

Next week I am going to a small rural town in Washington State (Cle Elum) for a business retreat with my company. Most of us are staying at my partners 'cabin' (its like 5,000 sq ft) and I am staying with another partner in a condo at the private resort the cabin is located in. I actually prefer that arrangement as the few hours we meet each day are right there in a meeting room, as is the pool and gym. I heard we can rent bikes and hoping their of the mountain variety.

I know this is telling on myself, but I have had thoughts of pulling some safety tabs on my training limits. I know, I know, not a smart thing to do. I will fight it as best I can. But it is not often I get the opportunity to run in a lush green forest.

Rescue Ranger

I was working at a job fair yesterday and as a bunch of us were leaving there was a young pigeon that was in obvious distress. One the guys started to sneak up on it and it waddled off but it was certainly catchable.

I decided that this bird was going to die but there is no reason for it to do so in oppressive heat. So I walked over, picked it up and carried it half mile to my car. Some of the others were laughing that I would pause to take care of a bird, others applauded my decency. I suppose its a bit of both. But just the act of picking up a bird is just something people don't see.

Mo already thinks daddy is the Best Hunter In The Whole World. Just in the last few months he has seen me catch three fish and couple lizards with my hands and now a bird.

Mo was ecstatic to have a new pet to care for. He made sure the lighting was low and reminded us to be quite. After a bit of water, it slept until morning. This morning he desperately wanted to take it to grandmas so he could make sure it rested because he knows its 'sick'. I have reminded him that the bird, which he has already named, may not make it. He is okay with that.

Building up a tolerance

I have moved into a new phase in the recovery program. Along with my vibrant colored meals which include lots of red and green, I have to drink a very nasty tasting herbal tea. Imagine if someone could bottle the smoke off a wet log campfire. You know the part when you can't get away from it and it chokes you out? Thats it!

I could have it worse. Two women my wife knows found lumps in their chest in the last week. One looks to have caught it sooner than the other.

Look. I may have two shot kidneys and a blown liver but my options are pretty wide open. If I just never work out again or enter a race I can live a healthy and productive life with no thought of dialysis or fatality.

Which makes me seriously wonder why I have spent way more money than I possibly should just to be...I don't no, selfish. Vain. Competitive. Oh, I know. I know. There are so many more positive adjectives to exercise than the worrisome words I just listed. I did it for all the right reasons, I know that. You really think I can accomplish anything like this without Mistress supporting me. I know and she knows, I need exercise like I need air. Like I need love. Exercise keeps me balanced. Exercise allows me to be a better man. Exercise saves me.

After convalescing for so long, you like that, my new term for recovery; I have to remind myself now to be consistent. We all know how easy it is to fall out of a habit. I am still bouncing around trying to fit training back into my life in the way it needs to be.

Just like this nasty tasting, pungent tea I have to suck down each morning, I am building my tolerance up in other areas. That includes cutting myself some slack. No one wants what I have, but I ain't trading it for something else.

Shameless Corporate Plug

This is a video loop we're running in the my clubs to promote our new model of fitness training called High Intensity Functional Training. Lookie here, I don't get involved to much in the details, we hire people to handle all that, my goal is just to show off the clubs and equipment and really the people that make our company tick. I am in maybe one second of the video in the background, proving my theory that I am a cross between Quasimodo and the Elephant Man. If anyone wants the workout, let me know.

Weekend Wonders

Other than the awesomely amazing comments people left me, my birth day went by with little fanfare. I went to see the Mummy 3 with my dad. Mighty Mo insisted on making me a cake with lots of frosting and sprinkles. And he did it all from pouring, mixing, spreading and sprinkles. At five years old he is better in the kitchen than his ole man.

I started the second phase of my recovery drugs over the weekend. I finished the cocktail that made me so fatigued and started a Chinese tea that is absolutely nasty. The first thing that pops into my mind is someone bottled smoke off a wet campfire. I immediately got a brand new headache.

A side affect of this, perhaps, is that food tastes terrible to me. Mistress and mom went through a lot of effort to make me my favorite foods and when I ate them, they had strong reactions with me; steak, potatoes, sandwiches, cola, beer, layered dip, even, unfortunately Mo's cake. The only thing that tasted as it should was water.

With all food tasting horrible, I could only go off texture. I ate some corn chips and tried parts of everything on my plate at meals with the family. No success. Mistress became frustrated with me, so I had to constantly affirm that it was me not her cooking.

I went to a class on Sunday that was a couple miles away. I decided to run there and back. Keeping the HR under 140 is not that easy and my pace suffered for it. I ran high 11/ 12's when I could and then walked for a minute or so for it to drop back down. It made for a frustrating workout but glad I did it. Heading back in the heat I dropped the running all together and speed walked that last mile which kept my pace around 13'/14and my pace solidly in the 130's.

Hey its Monday, today starts a new week.

Another year gone by.

Okay, Okay. A shameless plug.

I am putting a pork chop around my neck so you dogs will play with me today.

It's my 38th Birthday.

Charlie Mike..(Continuing the Mission).