tiny bubbles

I am so full of hypocrisy. People ask me what endurance sport I like the most; swimming, cycling, or running, for example. I tell people I love to run but would rather do a triathlon of any distance over a marathon. Then asked if I would rather do Kona or Boston, I respond without hesitation, Boston. I'd trade either one for a week of quiet and 60 miles of trail in a National Park.

Ironman was such a singular purpose for me for so many years that when I was forced to stop training that way, I got lost for a time. But where ultimately I prevailed was in making the dynamic leap from that training path to the what I consider a more enlightened path of overall endurance athletics. It doesn't mean someone deep into their current Ironman training is 'unwashed' but the fact remains its is a process I am not allowed to touch and therefore I must survive, nay, thrive, in a less myopic system. In my heart I wish I was cranking out 6 mile swims, 150 mile bikes and 35 mile runs week after week after week. God I miss that.

My body simply can't handle that load now. My recovery is ridiculously long. Even moderate intensity demands a 24 hour rest and zone 4 heart rate or high RPE's (Rate of Perceived Effort) is 36 hours. Its a strange new reality for a man that thrived at 100% exertion at 75% fatigued and conditioning I looked at by thinking, "Doing the most when at physically the worst." I mean really, does anything ever happen with we in perfect alignment with training, nutrition or health? Of course not. Why do you think we joking comment, "Respect the taper" the week before a race to our friends?

I was a frequent over trainer, purposefully. I loved it. The more I accomplished under the least amount of rest, I felt and still do feel, is a good way to prepare the body for reacting to stressful situations for anything in life. Some people come through a stressful situation and just look for a safe harbor. I look for another test, I press the stress bubble. And yet its the one thing I shouldn't be doing for a very, very, very long time. Such a hypocrite.

And yet I will take that and hang it around my neck. If I am a hypocrite for wanting to be a high speed, low drag, high mileage endurance athlete and yet stay within my tiny new little bubble, so be it. I will live my life vicariously through my triathlon family that swims 5 miles a workout, do century rides on Saturday mornings and race long. I am not jealous, I am envious.

It is not enough to exist. I am going to live.