How dare you sir!

I am ashamed at all you men who have your Christmas shopping done already. For crying out loud I haven't even finished my list!

And for those of you who stayed up late on Thanksgiving for a midnight store opening or woke up before 0500 for a super sale...for shame. Unless it was for your own personal gratification like the new X-box or to buy yourself a 50" LCD Flat screen for 30% off and spend that savings on a kick ass surround sound to go with it.

This is the problem with letting your spouses watch Oprah. Going out for ten hours of shopping getting it all done in one day...What are you guys thinking. Where is the making love ones ask you five times if you've finished your list? For God's sake man, Mistress just called and asked me to sit down and write my list out tonight for the second time. And then where is the pride in getting that exasperated look from your wife when you tell her you lost the list...again?

Let me tell you a story. I had five great friends I grew up with. Every December 23rd we met at noon at the local mall that had a great bar. We had lunch. We had several drinks. Then we put all our names in a hat and drew one name. We then did all the Christmas shopping for that person as a team. Then we went back to the bar. We did a whole bunch of shots of brown liqueur and pulled a second name. The shopping for this person went a little bit faster. Then, yup you guessed it back to the bar for more drinks and shots. Then the third name was pulled and so on until we got to the last name.

By now this gaggle of drunk men had a good dozen drinks in them and no patience. Where the first person pulled everyone around the mall getting gifts the last guy basically went into one store and everyone gave him suggestions on what to get people-

"Hey Comm, how 'bout this glass unicorn butter dish?"
"Perfect for mom. Throw it here."

"HeyMann, does your dad wear shirts?"
"I think so, do they have large?"
"No. They have medium and XL and only in purple."
"Get one of each."

The point is, I have a hard time with enlightened men who have their Christmas shopping done in one day and done before at least December 15th.

And if you have already told someone Merry Christmas before December 1st and you can pee standing up. For Shame. Much to early. Much to early. Women you get a pass on this one. Hell you get a pass for this whole post. But men...oh don't get me started.

Now don't get me wrong. I love Christmas. I don't celebrate Valentines Day or Halloween or Mothers Day and most other BS holidays but I always keep a few Christmas gifts around just in case. About ten years ago I went to an After-Christmas sale at Safeway and bought a couple dozen pairs of those argyle musical/ blinking light Christmas socks. I wrapped them up and put them under the tree every year so right away it looks like there is lots of presents there. And then if someone comes over and gives me a gift, and I didn't get one for them, I go right to that tree and give them a pair of argyle socks that light up and play "Here comes Santa Claus" when they rub their legs together.

I still have some left if you come over.