I'm Dying Out Here

So I went out on what was to be a quick mountain bike ride and holy smokes I was tuckered out. My flippin heart rate never came below 145. Its a route I am familiar with, I think I just took too much out of myself with the two workouts yesterday and the gym workout this morning. Since I have a 5k on Saturday I used that as an excuse to bail out and go home with a little dignity.

On my way back, after only a few minutes of....catching my breath, I remembered a survival Gu tucked into my camelback. After eating the hot Tri-Berry Gu, wrapper and all, I took a drag off my 100 oz water bladder that was full just ten minutes ago with clean, clear water. There is nothing like sucking on a hot plastic tube of nothing.

As I reached the last hill, I decided it would be a good place to die and assumed a snow angel pose in the middle of the single track. As planes flew over me on approach to Sky Harbor Airport, I wondered if any of the pilots would call in a body laying prone, arms splayed akimbo on a dusty mountain trail; breathing heavily, turning pink in the heat and smacking his mouth as Tri-Berry Gu tried to slide down the throat as everything else he ate today fought for room to come up.

I decided since I left my cell phone on my desk, that I should shoot a flare into the sky so that rescue teams could locate me quickly. Surely, someone would find me before the coyotes ravaged my body? As I drifted off to what would hopefully be a mercifully short heat induced coma, I heard the distinct sound of a baseball being hit by an aluminum bat, 'Tink!'.

Arising from my delirium, I had enough dignity to straddle my stead and coast down the hill to realize I was mere feet from the civilization.