Standard Cycling Phrases

I don't often copy/paste but this is just to humorous and its the first time I have seen it. I got it from my buddy Danny and of course all the standard credit and adoration for the author.

---The meaning of common cycling statements---

"There's a small bump just ahead."

Translation: It's a six mile 8% grade that peaks at 14% at the top.

And I'm on a compact crank set. See you at the top.

"It's going to be a mellow ride 'cause it's Thanksgiving."

Translation: He actually said this as we pulled into the parking lot

and joined up with guys from Rock Racing and Toyota United for what was,

for me, a hellishly hard ride.

"You're riding pretty well, want to pick up the pace?"

Translation: I can't believe I've gone this slow just so your tired ass

can keep up. The first time someone passes us, I'm outta here and

I'll meet you back at the car.

"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post and spray energy drink in your eyes.

"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using composites blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and- rescue dogs.

"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport

AND THE EVER POPULAR CLASSIC – "IT'S ABOUT A 3 HOUR TOUR":

Translation: Check on your life insurance policy and leave a parting note to your loved ones.