Out of tune

I said this would be a crazy week and boy has it.

I awoke Wednesday and loved the fact that I would run that afternoon. The moment I put my feet on the floor I realized I wasn't. Have you ever felt that before? The minute you get out of bed you realize your body is way out of balance. Stress on my body. Stress on my mind. Stress in my pocketbook. I am not unique here.

I used to laugh about movie stars who tell gossip rags they lost weight because of a break up, "How could anyone miss a meal", I would think. As someone who eats subconsciously I can tell you, right now, I have no appetite. And it affects everything. I know I have to eat and I try. But its just nibbles. Mistress is used to telling me to put half the food on my plate back, now she's been telling me to eat more. Even foods I ate for comfort, last long on the plate and eventually go untouched.

When I climbed out of bed Wednesday, my body felt the full affects of last weeks stomach flu and itinerant dehydration. The twelve hours of merry making at Saturday parties, the news of death of someone close and the sex of our child.

All I ever want to do, is workout. Even with all the conditions I have pressed on me by my doctors and family to be responsible, I still feel the joy of exercise in all its forms. Its the one true way I know to release stress. And yet everything in me, consciously and subconsciously, is telling me not to. That I am hungry and thirsty and tired and unfocused, and my muscles will not carry the day. Did I not learn my lesson to listen to my body already?

I think I have. So this day does not belong to me. I have not charged the hill or commanded a sure victory. I will suffer the chortle of the internal choir in my mind, knowing they are wrong. That today and perhaps the next few will be days of consolidation. Time to fix what has been spent and used up.

It rains on the just and the unjust. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad. Cliches about a cosmic balance. For this to be the case in my mind, somebody out there is pounding down a bag of Halloween candy right now.